THE HOLIDAY SEASON WITH DEMENTIA
The holidays are meant to be a time of joy and celebration with friends and family. We make plans, set dates, arrange to travel or accommodate travelers. There are menus to select, traditions to maintain, decorations to show off and gifts to wrap. That is about the time someone with memory loss needs extra time or interrupts the planning with an off the wall idea or unreasonable need. Wait a minute!!! No one has time for this…
How dare they ruin my plans or choose a time like this to accuse me of stealing from them. Come on, Mom! Can’t you see all I have going on right now? The answer may surprise you. What if they are actually doing the best they can, with the memory or brain power they have left? Have you considered the fact that Dementia means brain failure, so they have little ability to change the way their disease is moving?
There are things we can do to accommodate a person living with Dementia like manage their environment by trying to keep them in a friendly and familiar setting. We can be curious about what is upsetting them and use our assessment skills to consider what is going on from their point of view. We can arrange for pleasurable activities, place a pause on our agenda to serve their needs better, or add a scheduled nap to help them cope with a tired and declining brain.
There are definitely things we are unable to control or contain. Sadly, the brain is always changing, and we do not have the ability to slow the rate at which brain cells are dying once a diagnosis of some type of Dementia is given. Most people have well developed likes and dislikes, personality traits, and medical histories established, when we meet them. They also have changed abilities that the caregiver must learn to discern and work with. We know about food and fluid needs yet may not be able to make them eat right or drink and sleep on a schedule.
Let’s stick to what we know and have some control over and position ourselves and our loved ones to win during the holidays. We may need to call a family meeting to encourage support. We should probably think smaller not larger and in a familiar place during their best time of the day.
Be prepared to go with plan B or not go at all if the situation changes or someone becomes upset. Apologize and take a humble position when the wheels fall off our plans. We may need to just let it go, to save the relationship. Consider a couple of smaller gatherings around the noon hour. Assign someone to the person living with dementia to monitor them and serve their needs during the event. Stay tuned in to head off big upsets and accommodate their needs with the extra patience and the love they deserve. Find ways to take care of yourself too by getting more help and accepting you cannot be everything to another person. You are important too so don’t make the holidays a time to resent or regret. Instead plan to adjust your activities to serve both of your needs with compromise and realistic goals. They need you, true, but you need time for yourself to continue the journey with good health and a happy attitude about your situation. Happy Holidays…
Teresa Youngstrom RN
Dementia Specialist/ Founder of A Better Approach to Memory Care
Copyrighted Material of A Better Approach to Memory Care 2021
